Crucket

The Kolkata Knight Riders have been eliminated from the IPL contest, having come last by some margin. So the fake IPL player has played his last game, in as much as he ever really played for Kolkata.

Now IPL Anonymous promised to reveal his identity after his tournament was finished. Well, he put that idea up for a vote, which as far as I can tell was running pretty hot in favour before the poll was taken down. To this end, the fake player has posted a video of himself nattering on about himself and what he has seen as part of his involvement in cricket and just how mysterious he is. Except we don’t see him – we only see his shadow cast upon a concrete wall. So in the end all we get revealed is his sillouette and his voice. And he reveals nothing in his little speech, apart from admitting that he was a fake, which will suprise no one. He may write a book or two, but probably not. He might reveal himself one day, but maybe not. Just a little shadow play really.

With such an underwhelming end to the story, the response has been equally underwhelming. Cricket With Balls is scathing. Arm Ball is pissed. Well Pitched is confused. And no one else has much to say. (Excepting the Bored Cricket Crazy Indians, though they are being more mysterious than the fake himself.)

Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. Now thankfully it won’t distract from the semis and the final.

As a bit of a postscript, Well Pitched takes a bit of a wander down what is surely a dead end, that Shahrukh Khan arranged the whole thing as a publicity stunt.

The ICL are doing their best to put on a brave face – “This is not a setback” – but the news that 50 ICL players have been granted a release from their contract indicates that the league is in for a radical shake-up. 50 players out of a total of 155, likely including the best talent, won’t even leave enough for a 12-man squad for each of the nine teams. Chances are they’ll collapse in the very near future, but even if they don’t, gone will be any pretense they are an alternative to the IPL.

They could still yet gain official recognition of some sort from the ICC, in which case they could perhaps function as a development/retirement league for players yet to break into the IPL/Ranji Trophy or those coming to the end of their career. But whatever happens, a greater distinction between the ICL and IPL will be great for cricket. Free from the attraction of the ICL, we should then get to see the best cricketers in the world available for internationals and maybe the IPL.

And I am talking of course about Shane Bond, reportedly one of the players to leave the ICL. It was a decision he had to make really. His main claimed reason for why he stuck with the ICL was because he was under contract with them, so when they offered to release him from his contract ealier this year, he would have had to think of another reason to stay stuck with them. And the main reason for staying, the $800,000/year salary, would have become less compelling the longer the ICL was in arrears paying it.

We’d have to say now that it is likely that Shane Bond will be back in the New Zealand team before too long. (Maybe in time for the home series against Pakistan?) Perhaps even back in the test team, despite him having retired from that form of the game. (It would be a weird twist if the ICL had revived Bond’s test career.) The way is clear for him to return, he has softened his stance on not representing New Zealand again and his form appears to be as good as ever.

Now I’m one of the seemingly small minority in New Zealand that thinks that Bond brought his exile on himself. However, I wouldn’t go as far as Richard Boock, who suggests that Bond shoulnd’t be welcomed back into team. I think everyone would be better off if we let bygones be bygones and try to put the unpleasantness of the last year and half behind us.

I can’t wait

In the comments of my previous post, my identification of the player nicknamed Panty Curry by the fake IPL player, Jesse “Bevdaa” Ryder’s drinking buddy, was corrected. Apparently Panty Curry is a chap called Robin Uthappa, fellow Bangalore Royal Challenger and sometime Indian ODI ’keeper/opening-bat, and not Morne van Wyk, sometime Kolkata Knight Rider ’keeper/opening-bat. And as for that name, Suhas has an explanation:

Assuming ‘Panty Curry’ is Uthappa (who comes from the Coorg district of Karnataka – a region not known for producing cricketers), this is where the nickname originates from:

http://mbopaiah.wordpress.com/2007/06/07/coorg-pork-curry-pandi-curry/

Brilliant. Impressive enough of IPL Anonymous to concoct these monikers, but outstanding work to those deciphering them.

Here’s a fake IPL player glossary (sadly with few explanations of the names):

Fake glossary of the Fake IPL Player

Featuring the intriguing comment about Panty Curry:

hey… dont get why mangal is shukla… As for Panty Curry, agree with it but one small problem… Latest blog says panty curry and bevdaa went or few drinks… Now, I am being honest, I know robin very well personally… He does not touch alcohol, I can vouch or that.. I have known him for bout 12 years now.. and as for chipli, he did not play U-19 with Kolhi… he was my senior.. He played U-18 when i played U-16 and I am 23 so.. so it is Goswami!! But Robins name foxes me after the latest blog!! Even if you wanna speculate that he had a few drinks, he certainly wont have capacity more than Jesse Ryder.. I have seen him get high of just sniffing alcohol!!lol…

Baz’s Blues

So some New Zealanders finally make it onto the IPL records (McCullum’s 84* in the recent Kolkata v. Bangalore match is currently the 4th highest score, and Taylor’s 81* off 33 sits just outside the top 5 scores, though is 5th on highest innings strike rates) and now Lalit Modi is casting doubts on the legality of the match. “Was Kolkata-Bangalore match fixed?” is India Today’s breathless title for the webpage showing the article more soberly titled “Lalit Modi hints at probe into Kolkata-B’lore match”.

The article quotes a stern Lalit Modi: “There is an anti-corruption unit. We will look into the TV footage and investigate about Hodge’s presence in the hospitality box.” It seems Hodge’s omission from the playing squad was surprising (leaving him free to enjoy the hospitality of the people funding the match fix one must presume) and that by the 15th over Bangalore were heading for a loss, then shockingly turned things around and won.

As much as I would love for there to be a juicy corruption scandal in the IPL, this doesn’t look much like it. Firstly, if you are going to arrange for someone to be involved in throwing a match, surely it would be best to have them on the field. Secondly, Bangalore were always on target to win, despite Kolkata racking up their highest total to date, so there was nothing suspicious there. And thirdly, aren’t you supposed to fix matches to bring about an against the odds result? Paying Kolkata to lose is hardly money well spent.

There is nothing juicier for the cricket news desk than a Jesse Ryder/alcohol scandal. So the outlets were all over this story as soon as it started to emerge. But when the only reported details are rumours that Jesse was “restrained by security guards”, it sounds like someone is letting their sordid imagination fill in the gaps.

To get the details of this scandal, I have gone to the only on-the-ground source I know of, the Fake IPL Player, and veracity be damned. According to IPL Anonymous:

A few days ago I had introduced you to the blooming romance between Bevdaa and Panty Curry. The other night, the two had a few too many. Panty, with better capacity, managed to walk through the door. Bevdaa lost balance, tripped over, almost crash landed on 2 very scared nubile beings, eventually landed face down on the marbled floor. Security helped him up and out.

Bevdaa is of course Jesse, and Panty Curry is a guy called van Wyk. Bevdaa, quite appropriately, means ‘drunk’. Panty Curry probably has some self-evident meaning, but I’m not sure I want to dwell on it too much.

So anyway, Jesse’s run in with security amounted to him being helped to his room by a security guard to sleep off a big night. Somewhat confirmed by later reports. Reading these reports you would think Ryder was drinking to celebrate 100 days of sobriety. Previous posts by IPL Anonymous suggest he wasn’t getting through those 100 days as smoothly as we’d like to think:

Bevdaa has found a soulmate in our very own (sometimes opener, sometimes wk) Panty Curry. They have been bonded by their shared love for bottled beverages. Short of holding hands, the two fat asses seem every bit like a puppy couple in love. And if the number of bottles one can down decides the man in a relationship, our Panty Curry definitely wears the pants in that family. Surprising, but true!

Let me recommend a book for you – Netherland by Joseph O’Neill.

Netherland is a story of dislocation, or ‘distractedness’, due to post-9/11 trauma, loss of love and alienation, and rediscovery through cricket. Dutchman Hans van den Broek finds himself living alone in New York after his British wife leaves him and returns to New York. He drifts in a disaffection until he discovers the local cricket community and finds some sense of belonging and a connection to his younger life.

In New York, cricket takes on a uniquely American character. The grass is too rough to allow shots along the ground, necessitating baseball-like swings to the deep,  the players are all immigrants, West Indians and east Indian largely, there is the risk that someone will pull a gun during a game and the future of the game is in the hands of a dodgy entrepreneur (Chuck Ramkissoon, Hans’ only real friend), with plans to build a cricket stadium in Brooklyn and get India and Pakistan to play there.

However, the ordered and dignified soul of the game of cricket still exists in New York, and through this Hans is able to pick up the pieces of his life.

It is a beautifully written book, deep and thoughtful, yet with a sparkling turn of phrase. Highly recommended.

(Having written all this and doing a quick Google to see what others are saying, I see that the book and its author have already been reviewed on Cricinfo.)

I discovered that if I subscribed to the feed for the Cricket Mystery site, I could check out the articles while avoiding the rather unpleasant design. All went well for a short while before suddenly the ‘new items’ in my feed reader was filled with old Cricket Mystery articles. That’s usually a sign that something is up, so I popped over for a visit and – lo and behold! – they have a new design.

They have blanded up by replacing their old lush green turf, if any of you remember the old design, with lime green fake grass over a WordPress blog.

Visit them at Cricket Mystery and read about Perky’s dilemma, whether to encourage his 5-year-old son to take up cricket over rugby.

(No sign of Mystery Morrison any more. I’m sure he was a fixture once upon a time.)

The defeat on Sunday of Kyle Mills’ Mumbai Indians by Taylor and Ryder’s Royal Challengers Banglalore marked the half way point of the IPL qualifiers.

While the tournament has been fairly subdued compared to last year in terms of action, it is shaping up to be a competitive run to the semis, with everyone except Kolkata well in with a chance. The New Zealanders haven’t contributed much to this however…well, maybe McCullum is contributing to Kolkata’s misfortune.

Brendon McCullum – Kolkata Knight Riders

McCullum’s star burnt brightly but briefly in last year’s tourney – he only played 4 matches but scored 188 runs at more than 2 runs a ball. He was, perhaps, rewarded for his performances by being made captain this year. You can read about his being made captain, though the story has many more sides. You can also read the inside word (or a dramatisation of, at least) on McCullum’s team, though the outside word is just as dismal. In short, the Knight Riders are crappity crap. Just one win and an NR in the first part of the tournament. As captain, Brendon knows he is accountable, and he has offered to quit if they don’t make the semis (and they won’t). He has been garnering a fair bit of sympathy though.

His biggest problem is that he hasn’t been leading from the front. By last Sunday he had scored a mere 50 runs from 7 innings, less than his average innings score last year (his average this year is about 7 so far). And that has come at about 2 runs every 3 balls.

Daniel Vettori – Delhi Daredevils

Delhi have had the strongest start to the tournament of all the teams; by Sunday they had 4 wins out of 6 games. Vettori’s contribution to this was 7 wickets @ 19, including a 3/15. A very good haul from his 5 games, though it might be fair to say he is riding the momentum of his team.

Jacob Oram – Chennai Super Kings

Oram has knocked 50-odd runs and knocked over 3 wickets in the 4 games he has had for the Chennai Super Kings, playing turn about with Andrew Flintoff it would seem. A decent performance, though he was in the news more for suggesting the IPL is a bigger priority for him than tests.

Jesse Ryder – Royal Challengers Bangalore

A real disappointment considering the expecations. Started out his IPL career with ducks in his first two matches. He has had one good knock of 32 in his 4 innings, but the fact that his overall aggregate is just 34 emphasises his poor overall performance. You could well imagine him to be nervous, though he never seems to show it, but it could just be Bangalore – they’re a team so lacking in spunk that even tearaways like Ryder and Pietersen get dragged down.

Doing great work as a part time bowler as usual. 3 wickets at 30, but under 7 an over.

Ross Taylor – Royal Challengers Bangalore

The other half of the stoner twins. Also picked up a duck in his first match, but is double Ryder’s tally (as of Sunday). Neither here nor there and hence pretty much invisible.

Scott Styris – Deccan Chargers

Also invisible. Only given 2 matches as of Sunday, with only one turn at bat (for 14). Outstanding bowling though, taking 5 wickets @ 12.8.

Kyle Mills – Mumbai Indians

Missing in action. Not given a run in any of Mumbai’s first 7 matches. Not a fair way to treat one-day cricket’s no. 2 bowler. I guess the recent series with India has damaged his reputation.

So, a real disappointment so far. A good record by Vettori more than matched by terrible performances by Ryder and McCullum, McCullum’s lasting for 7 matches. With Oram, Taylor and Styris phoning in some pretty average efforts. It would have been nice to see at least one standout performance from the six of them. Still, it is still early on. After all, Taylor has only faced about 10 overs in total, just as an e.g. Any of them, and Mills, could put on some fireworks in the second half.

For the record, the highest score for any Kiwi is 41* for Oram and the best bowling is 3/15 by Vettori.